Consider the following quote from a fictional article:
Recent studies of tribes in Africa, South America, Asia and Australia show that the female role is not as passive as was assumed. In many gather-hunterer communities the women lead the hunts and show significantly higher success-rates than their male counterparts. Men in these tribes are generally just hanging around. This lack of need for real male involvement is considered one of the reasons why males – in general – are considerable more passive in many things. […] Shopping sprees are just a compensation for women to release their stress and the hunt for bargains is like the hunt for prey’.
The old idea – say pre-1980 – is that the guys take the lead. The women stay at home. Take care of the food and the children. (If you think the quote above is “weird”, see one official “scientific” view on hunter-gatherers further below).
Both ideas are wrong. Quoting from my story: “Dreams“.
“It is bullshit,” Maroun said. “Demeaning bullshit. For everyone involved. Fucking shopping sprees as compensation for stress. I read it. I fucking could have written it, tripping on some funny mind-fuck to take on the population at large.”
The new feminism in my stories
We had several waves.
From cheap, second rate slaves good for house-labor and producing babies, women in the past century have become recognized by Western society as humans. Almost equal to guys. Hurrah! Now for culture itself to update even more, to become even less stupid and less retarded.
As long as we still believe all the shit that we still believe, and some of which I stated below, we are still not moving towards something we might call a “civilized world”.
In my stories I assume people have moved on. The artificial divide is mostly in dying belief systems for people who simply live and enjoy life. My characters basically don’t care about “the differences between the sexes”. They do whatever they want. Because I find that more interesting to write about. The difference between male and female that play lead roles has mostly become: “you have a penis and I have a vagina” and that’s it.
In my stories, other human qualities are recognized to be equally distributed. Any sexe-specific labeling is considered to be retarded. Porn? We love it, if it is loving and with real emotions. A one night stand? We love it, if the sex if nice and loving. More muscles? We simply swallow testosterone. Leadership? Who cares about age, sexe, as long as you are capable. Math? Can do. Data mining? Can do. Complex theoretical issues? Can do.
You still believe males or females are more or less capable, should be restricted in their movements? What past century and dead culture with retarded ideas are you coming from? What? Bible belt? Sorry. I forgot.
“Make love not porn” by Cindy Gallop is one of the examples of a new kind of approach to sex from a similar point of view: porn is OK, even educational, but please make it more real to life! And I agree. Link goes to the public submissions, the quote below is inspired by…
Wandering from one room to another I saw Clodia in the swing, being fucked by a black guy with a reasonably sized penis. Another time I saw how Oriana asked and joined a group of two guys and three girls, getting on with all of them.
I guess it is the porn. Real sex, increasingly available from the 2000’s on, always has done better than the fake sex. Real sex by real people, doing what they like. No stories, no posing, no fake emotions, just lust, fucking, aiming at the simple fun and joy. From masturbation to duo’s, trio’s and more. Gay, hetero, mixed. With animals, objects, fruits, toys. It shows that whatever you like is quite normal and already done in many different ways before. Even though there are the waves of new prudity every so and so many years, condemning the lifestyle where sex is casual like this, human nature – re-enforced by porn – prevails.
“Real sex, increasingly available from the 2000’s on, always has done better than the fake sex”? Yes it is optimistic. It is fiction. The baseline idea is that whatever your fancy, it is probably already done, performed and filmed by someone else. Where most of society will only tell you a tiny fragment of what is “normal”, the real world shows you that if you dream of – for instance – pushing cucumbers up your rectum, you are not alone in this. And if there is at leas one person also doing this, it means you might be a bit “strange”, but there are at least two of you. And probably you can get some tips on how to do it better as well!
The new feminism. The new humanism.
Fake tits, pruned pussy flaps, knowing how to pout and wearing buffed up muscles to go with your penis do not make you more attractive as a person. Personality does. Who you are, what do you have to tell? What do you have to add?
Guys can fuck anything that moves? What makes them less of a slut or a whore than the girl that does the same? Why not just accept sexuality and lust are completely normal?
Butch, strong, self-concious, “manly” girls? Some wipe the floor with most men. And still like the penis a hundred times more than the vagina when they make love. Female, soft, tender men? Not necessarily gay.
Who cares you have a womb? It does not make you less or more capable than humans with a penis. Neither the penis or pussy or the tits hold special magical powers. Like: “Dr. David Banner rubbed his magical penis and became suddenly smarter-er, scientificy-er, more leadership-able-er, more… creditable than all the women in the world. Especially more than you”.
Hunter gatherers? See below.
Babies and reproduction? Unclear. One thing is clear though (gender bending it): because I have a womb, does not mean I have to get babies. My life as a woman can be full and fulfilling “even” without children. Maybe I like cats more. (There are enough people anyway, the lack of my offspring is mostly noticed in the lack of carbon-footprint and less cows to be shot to death by a metal pin through the brain. Go to 3:15 in this video. If you like to see the dead corpses of real sentient beings: starring in this professional snuff-movie before that moment, watch it from the beginning. At least we see the animals not bleeding from their noses and puking while dying, so it is still kind of child-friendly). There is some basic instinct to reproduce, including the longing for babies. How much is natural and how much is just peer pressure based is unknown to me. I am one of these people who do not. I know people who are happy they are not pregnant and have never been.
Who takes care? Because you have two love bumps does not automatically mean you are the care-taker of the house, the baby or sick people. And what if the person with the penis takes care of home? Will that automatically remove his balls and penis, making him less of a lover, less of the lust-object he was when you fell in love with him? If so: how much of that is female sexist bullshit?
Who is taller? Can a tall girl fall in love with a short guy? Is it really that weird to consider? Or again just stupid bullshit sexism? (source for the following, harvested as it reflects the general ideas and quoting an external makes things look more “real” anyway)
Much of a man’s masculinity comes from the woman on his arm. A taller woman makes him feel less masculine. He needs a short or shorter woman to feel masculine.
Much of a woman’s femininity comes from the man on her arm. A shorter than her man or shorter than average man makes her feel less feminine. She needs a taller man or taller than average to feel feminine.
I assume that most of the divide and the “I/you can not do this because I/you am/are [fill in your sexe]” is a load of crap. Guys can (theoretically and probably in 30 years) even carry babies (see: ectopic pregnancy) and produce milk from their nipples; when you insert the fertilized egg somewhere a bit more safe and prepare the male body with the right hormones. Sure the womb is much better suited, but by then it might not matter that much.
So where is this divide really?
Anything we do to try and prove “why man are behaving like they do” and “why woman do as they do” is a load of crap. It is pseudo science in the same category as this pearl of astrology-based definition of me and anyone else who’s sign is Gemini:
Gemini are loyal and respect their own. Eternally charming, they cover their tracks in the nicest possible way. Gemini is one of the Zodiac’s nifty movers.
Possessions represent stability and safety for Gemini. For when surrounded with the trappings of wealth, Gemini can take on the world. Material decadence amounts to self-confidence and pride for this Air sign.
Aside from an innate natural charm, Gemini is prone to possessiveness. Due to their dual nature and their need for security and surety, Gemini are sticklers for control. Gemini need to know where they stand. And that everything is going to be ‘just so’. Shake their financial foundation or threaten the status quo, and you can expect short shrift.
Never corner a Gemini, if you know what is good for you.
Note that this is actually “Taurus”. I removed the parts that do not apply to me and left the parts that could and – in my opinion – do apply. Exactly like how this kind of shit works for most of our population.
-and the eye of the beholder
I can shape my world based on these kinds of beliefs. Studying one or another pseudo-science and simply filter out all the things that do not apply to my world view.
I can categorize other people on these qualities and say stuff like: “Oh yeah, but he/she is a [fill in your star sign] and [people with that star sign] are like [fill in a set of specific traits].”
There is several things wrong with this:
- Narrowing of perception – If you tell me enough times that [my starsign] are like [some specific traits] a part of my wants to believe this is true. I might even behave like that and adjust my own behavior and dreams. Any behavior I show outside of these traits are considered to be a fluke.
- Denial of reality – “Yeah, Peter really nailed this one with a rare display of focus and single-mindedness. Something that is really rare for a gemini – which is a double-air sign and normally all over the place.”
- Selection on fictional traits – “We want a Taurus, because the Taurus – as we all know – is an earth sign and deliberate”.
In short: I can create any kind of pseudo-reality where everything is exactly as I expect it to be. If I deny reality deliberately enough, everything is as I think it is and anything else is just a short fluke or an exception on the rule. If many do the same like me, it becomes reality. At least for anyone who is victim to this kind of bullshit.
“The significant roles of men and women”
I mocked research earlier. Here is the classic model (from Helium “where knowledge rules”):
The significant roles of men and women date back to the ice age, and their significance is that they established a pattern of behavioral expectations that produced what we now know as family. The hunter, the cook, the nurturer, the sustainer of wealth are all parts of family life. Though society has changed throughout the ages, and the roles reversed in many instance, the tasks established as being male and female are still significant ones in the development of a society:
We like to look at the past with the gender-bias we have in this little bubble of time: men go to work, females stay at home. Then we pretend there is some “evidence” from the past re-estating this specific gender-bias, because we are either lazy or a bunch of sexist who like to maintain that status quo.
We continue the read awesome read on this site “where knowledge rules”:
Male traditional roles
*Provider of food
*Provider of a home
Women’s traditional roles
*The nurturer of children
*The backbone of what goes on in the home.
How much of that is like the ideal Christian cornerstone family, also reflected in “The good housewife”: 1950! (An more complete excerpt here):
- Have dinner ready
- Perpare yourself: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. [..] His boring day may need a lift. Greet him with a smile.
- Clear away the clutter: […] Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too.
- Prepare the children: […] They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
- Minimize all noise
- Make him comfortable: […] Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing voice. [You might scare him, as he is a feeble and sensitive creature!] Allow him to relax and unwind.
- Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
- Make the evening his: […] try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to unwind and relax.
- THE GOAL: TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.
Bold and cynical remark by me.
Hunter gatherers? A more sane view
Taking a more modern and less sexist look at Hunter Gatherers (WikiPedia):
[…] A vast amount of ethnographic and archaeological evidence demonstrates that the sexual division of labor in which men hunt and women gather wild fruits and vegetables is an uncommon phenomenon among hunter-gatherers worldwide.
[…] A study done on the Aeta people of the Philippines states: “About 85% of Philippine Aeta women hunt, and they hunt the same quarry as men. Aeta women hunt in groups and with dogs, and have a 31% success rate as opposed to 17% for men. Their rates are even better when they combine forces with men: mixed hunting groups have a full 41% success rate among the Aeta.”
Bold added by me. Short, in my choice of words for today:
It seems man and women were basically doing the same tasks. There was no clear divide in labor based on people having a penis or vagina.
In general it seems woman are more successful hunting prey. They hunt the same kind of prey as males do. In general 31% of their hunts are successful. For men only 17% of the hunts are successful. When men and women work together, the total average of successful hunts rises to 41%.
Now any research is suspect and unless: “males in these tribes are generally just hanging around”, 17% is really a very low score, but at least this is a more open view on what possibly represents old culture. I am rather inclined to believe most of this version.
A lot of stuff we believe about the gender-divide between men and woman are mostly artificial constructs. If you believe that the gender-gap is non-existent, you are probably more on the spot than any of the “why men and women [add your own divide here].”
Take all the traits you (think you) see in men. Everything. Then transplant them into women. Do the reverse with all female traits to men.
You will probably still have a limited view on both males and females, but at least it is more close to what is really there. Men can be docile and preferring the caring roles. Females can be aggressive and preferring the leading roles.
Most of the differences we think are there are cultural.
Some of the differences are biological. Testosterone does increase the development of thicker hair, heavier muscles and heavier bones. The last traits making males dominantly more suited to carry stuff around. In some cases testosterone can also induce a more aggressive response pattern or a bigger sexdrive. This – however – does not mean that everyone with higher testosterone levels is automatically more prone to violence or needs to fuck and masturbate all day.
To not get pregnant when you come is a factor as well. Or to have something that visually signals your arousement. Especially when nobody tells you what your genitals can be used for. But even this divide (“men have it easier because nothing is hidden”) changes when the sexual morale changes. Imagine a flipped-around world where there is a male-inspired female domination where the role of males — next to all practical actions like: cleaning the house, carrying stuff around, hunt and gather groceries and preparing meals is – simply said – undefined. Why study? Why learn to read anything outside the instructions on the washing machine? (“1 = 90 degrees wash”). Imagine the female body and the female sexuality is the ideal: being so much more superior in being able to reach multiple orgasms, being able to come “clean” without that messy seamen splurting out of that strange appendix between your legs. Then what the fuck with all that body hair? How shameful it would be to be a man! How lowly and relatively worthless a life form.
Still: this is still a reversal of what we already know. It is still a sexist view. Why make the divide at all?
While you will still find pearls of wisdom like: “men are better in map-reading” (found using the query “women worse in map reading”). Less biased research tends to make this absolute divide less absolute and blames a lot on – again – culture. From Wikipedia
Some studies investigating the spatial abilities of men and women have found no significant differences, though metastudies show a male advantage in mental rotation and assessing horizontality and verticality, and a female advantage in spatial memory.
Performance in mental rotation and similar spatial tasks is affected by gender expectations. For example, studies show that being told before the test that men typically perform better, or that the task is linked with jobs like aviation engineering typically associated with men versus jobs like fashion design typically associated with women, will negatively affect female performance on spatial rotation and positively influence it when subjects are told the opposite.
The bottom line is: there is no stereotype. “The man” and “the woman” do not exist. “Male” and “female” traits are by definition very culturally bound.
Writing female characters
I have a penis.
I have no clue how it is to be female. Hell: if you have a penis as well, I would not even know how it is to be you. We might be able to share stories about pissing our name in the snow and how it feels to pass a fucking kidney-stone through the tube, or how ashamed we felt when we had an erection while sitting in the same room as our teenage-crush (male or female) but that is where most of our shared experiences end.
Because I have a penis, I do not automatically know how car works. I do not hang around with my pals in garages sniffing the oil, or go play a manly game of soccer. I do not like sports. I could not care less about world cups, olympics and sports in general, unless it is Kung Fu in a properly directed movie with a lot of filmatic AWESOME Kung Fu. I think competition is the most crappy idea ever conceived.
I like movies with a lot of explosions though.
I might be considered a metrosexual, but like my horoscope, only 50% applies to me.
Metrosexual men usually posess female tendencies, but are still attracted to the opposite sex.
The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that’s where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference.
In brief: I hardly know what it means to be a stereortype man.
To write female characters, I usually start by gender-bending. “He was” is turned into “She was”.
I base most of the characters on what I could have been, would I have been in that situation, with that background. Like role-playing.
For whatever- and maybe that specific reason: “He” is the dominant voice in me. So: “he” becomes “she”. Sometimes “she” starts as “she” but I then have to be more careful not to fall in my own traps of my own cultural bias and sexual interests. I still come from the cultural male/female divide myself. Many male fantasies about women include the pretty ones with the perfect body and kind of side-track the normal. Many books I read in the past described any important female lead like: “she was beautiful. Lush hair fell in long strands over her shoulders.”
I grew up with the cliches.
My “female” characters become – in general – much more natural characters when I kind of hack my own bias and they start out being male. They also benefit from the cliches. When I notice myself running on automated thinking like: “she was slender” I simply turn that around. Maybe she is not. Maybe she is just normal. “Her hair was lush and long” becomes something like: “short hair” or “messy”. “Being very feminine” becoming “did not give a fuck”.
Instead of trying to create a “female” character, I try to move towards “human”. As like I have no fucking clue what it is to be a “man”, I have no clue what it means to be a woman. And so I use exactly that as a starting point: not having a fucking clue but my own human nature. Then I look at the culture. What bias is present there? Who plays a role? What ideas are present in the world they live in? Where do they move? Where is the contrast? What is important? What do I like to tell in the story?
This scene, from “Dreams” shows – for instance – a possible female approach to sexual aggression. It is all about her. He is there, but mostly to facilitate her. There is no eroticism in this encounter. He is also more than a stage-dick: there because some sex was required.
He watched me for a while as I masturbated, not patient enough to wait for him, then started to rub my nipples, suck them, stopping every time I grabbed his still half-erect cock, saying: “Not yet.”
I came screaming, like there was no tomorrow left. Then I said: “Give me more,” grabbing his cock again.
The second time we fucked, it hurt, but I wanted him to continue, to fuck me until my kingdom came, the kingdom in the stars. He fucked me, sucked my neck, my ear, my chin as he did, fucking me with all he had left, making an effort until I finally came: pussy ablaze from the abuse of too much dryness and humping, the sperm from the previous come no longer slick.
“I can understand,” he said. “You seemed a bit dry that second time.”
He touched his cock, to see what he wanted to do with it.
“Do it,” I said.
Then he shook his head. “It will only hurt. It already feels bruised.”
She is kind of lucky he can get it up the second time at all, I think. Apparently he ate his vegetables that day.
Is this scene believable from the point of view of a woman? I have no clue. There are several physical limitations that play a role which can make it believable. The dryness, for instance and the effect of that afterwards.
I did not try to invent anything. The fucking is quite straight forward. Like you might do it at home: without the tools and the fancy stuff.
It fits her specific profile. She uses forms of aggression to deal with specific situations and this was an aggressive fuck. The role of the male in this scene is mainly that of the penis. To support her orgasms. It is also not the only way she makes love.
This is for instance how she describes her work. Notice the references to murder and killing and destruction. Another part, not quoted here mentions beating stuff with a baseball bat:
Almost eighteen months after my first assignment for Alexander it was time to pick up my legal sniper rifle, my bullets called: “legal procedures” and brush the dust from my copy of: “How to be a Legal Assassin”. I had received my first license to kill. The targets were a set of four companies out of a portfolio of sixteen.
Home Office allowed only a limited set of ways to take out a target. All thoroughly researched for legal repercussions, effectivity and cost / benefit.
Most of them focus on driving up the cost on the other side, to such levels that they either have to budge or bust. Other measures take the very structure of the opponents company under fire and are meant to kill and destroy.
I chose that second set. No threats. Have a gun? Be prepared to use it.
There is no cuddly-ness here. Just cold destruction. Her background does not care about gender-specific roles. And her work is about this kind of shit. Still, she is human.
On the way back to Paris I felt happy. At home things started to turn bleak very soon. I missed Aboyami like I never missed anyone before. I missed her companionship, the warmth, her kisses. The tiny interruptions she would create while I was working.
Nameless puss [the cat], being taken care of by Naomi, welcomed me with a meow, following me everywhere I went.
“I have to go. I love you Eva.”
Not much after that, the door slammed shut.
“I told her,” I said to Jean Paul, the moment he confirmed the call.
Then I started crying.
“I love her, Jean Paul. And I am scared shitless.”
“How not to write females” provides a nice overview of the pitfalls.
This is probably one of my worst blog posts.
See you later.